Distant Relatives
by CrImSoN-DrIzZlE
Summary: Take one insane witch, the darkest wizard of all time; throw in a seriously confused baker and the demon barber himself. The end result, The emptying of tumbler after tumbler of Gin and Severe insanity! .:Lesbians:. R&R! ... Auntie Lou x
1. The End of the begining

_[Authors Note: Although I don't own the characters (Which is a shame, because if I had Helena Bonham Carter at my disposal I'd have no end of fun) I'd like to say that the actual __story line __has been conceived and written by Me, Myself and I... And by Me, Myself and I, I mean Me and Georgia Haha... I hope you enjoy this tale of Gin, bad moral decisions and Femslash... I shall update as soon as my health and social teacher decides to go fuck herself ...Lou x]_

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**Chapter 1: 'The end of the begining'**

"Bellatrix..." The cold, high voice of the dark lord himself reverberated off of the cave walls, sending a shiver down the spine of his most loyal servant. Not daring to enrage him with silence she swallowed hard and gathered her courage. "Y-yes, my lord..?" Her dark brown eyes glanced into darkness; at a pair of Red orbs that seemed to be floating in mid air, they were staring down at her. Voldemorts' eyes. Terrible and full of hate, looking right into her soul... She heard him snigger, heard him inhale, like he was about to speak. Then finally his voice rang in her ears again, he spoke words that, no doubt were intended to rattle her very bones and to delve into her soul.

"You understand the importance of the task I have given you...?" Her eyes widened in fear, her lips parting slightly to let out a deep shuddering breath to calm herself. "O-of course... I will...will _not _fail you..." She said, her voice wavering with emotion. He only grunted as a reply, to which she bowed as low as she could physically manage. Bellatrix listened to the silence; just waiting for something to happen, She was about to speak again when the 'chink' of a glass touching something solid made its way to her ears and there she saw it. The goblet of Helga Hufflepuff. She knew what she was expected to do with it, so she took it and hid it away in her bag. There was a short, tense pause before he spoke again.

"Then I wish you luck, Bellatrix... Do **not** disappoint me..." She stood, once again to her full height, took one last look at the man she had sacrificed _everything _for, her whole life- Her sanity...and...'Pop'. She was gone. Gone from her world, her time- Just gone. When the world once again began to appear around her Bellatrix knew she was where she was supposed to be... Plastered on a crumbling brick wall in the middle of a bustling market place was 'Today's' date, on a notice announcing the opening of some new coffee shop. '20th, November 1888'. A wide smirk began to spread across her face."Right... Now... _Where _am I...?" She began to weave through the crowd, trying to find somebody who looked as though they might have at least half a brain-cell. She eventually settled for an elderly lady who was toiling away selling her apples.

She quickly cleared her throat before approaching the woman. "Excuse me." She said, in her most demanding voice. The lady looked up at her prospective customer and pointed at herself as if to ask 'Are you talking to me...?' Bellatrix rolled her eyes and put her hands on her hips, adding in a much angrier tone of voice. "Yes, You! Muggle Woman! Where in this filth hole is fleet street...?" The woman blinked in confusion, plainly unknowing of the difference between herself and the frizzy-haired lunatic who stood before her.

"Wattid' you jus' call me?" she said, furrowing her brow. Getting only an irritated tut and a furious look from the girl, she answered the question. "Jus' down tha street be'ind yah now, firs' turn on tha lef'..." Now knowing the correct street, Bellatrix's expression softened slightly. All that was left was to discretely enquire as to the whereabouts of a certain pie shop. "And is there any kind of food shop around there...? Maybe even a Pie emporium...?..." The woman sighed, wishing that 'This bloody nuttah' would move out of her way so she could sell some apples. "Third buildin' down on Fleet Street. There's a little pie shop, Cheap 'us muck it is. Then again, wi'h tha price 'ah meat these days, wha's in'em pro'lley is muck-" Without another word Bellatrix strode away in the direction the old lady had told her to go, letting out a low chuckle as she walked. "Bingo."

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End chapter 1! Hope you enjoyed and...Reviews are Sexy, so sex me up! Ta ta! ...Auntie Lou x


	2. Plan Horcrux

_[Authors Note: Strictly speaking I shouldn't reeeally put this up yet... as I don't have much else up my sleeve. But!- I can't sleep at night knowing that I have fan-fiction that can be published =]... So enjoy chapter 2!... I hope my version of a London accent isn't too crappy . ...Lou... x]_

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**Chapter 2 - 'Plan Horcrux'**

Nellie Lovett's day had gone from bad to worse. First off when she woke up this morning; her hair was an utter mess, even worse than usual. Secondly, she burnt herself on a tray that she had taken from the oven, and now had gained a painful red mark on her hand. But worst of all, the most terrible thing to happen to her today was waltzing right into her shop, waving a piece of wood around, demanding this and that. It's needless to say that Mrs Lovett had quite a temper on her when she wanted to.

Rolling-pin in hand, she walked up to the stranger who was grinning from ear to ear as though she actually found it amusing to see her so angry.

Nellie stood a good three inches shorter than the other woman, but didn't feel the least bit intimidated. "'oo tha 'ell d'yah think ya are! Comin' int'a my shop 'n bossin' me abaut like you're tha bloody King o' England!"

Bellatrix snorted but failed to keep the laughter that was threatening to burst her lungs from bubbling over and let out a manic bark of laughter. Nellie frowned in confusion thinking _'Wha' tha bloody 'ell? 'Oo let this nuttah outtah' Bedlam?' _

Raising her voice in anger she fumed "This isn' funny! I'm serious!" But the lunatic kept laughing at her. She was about to start shouting again when Bellatrix reached out and gripped her face, hard. She forced the other woman's head to one side, then the other. A wide smirk spread across her face and a low chuckle escaped her lips.

"Ooohhaha! You're a _feisty_ one aren't you?" She drew her nails along the bakers flushed cheeks; they left faint red marks in their wake. Bellatrix leaned in close and making sure that her lips brushed the other woman's' earlobe as she whispered "Just get me the _fucking_ pie."

Nellie wasn't a coward...But she wasn't stupid either. She could tell that this woman wasn't joking, so she slapped her hand down then turned and walked away. The witch watched as she walked to her counter, taking note that she would very much like to see the legs that carried her there.

Taking a seat she put on her 'friendly' voice (Because as much as she'd like to make the woman before her writhe and scream, The dark lord had given her a task to fulfil and Nellie Lovett was a vital part of it) and so began stage one of plan 'Horcrux'

"As delicious as I'm sure your pies are, -" There was a snort from Nellie's side of the room, Bellatrix gnored it. "- there is another reason I'm here..."

Mrs Lovett turned to face Bellatrix with an eyebrow raised and pie in hand. "Go on then..." she said approaching her and placing an over-cooked meat pie on the table.

Bellatrix simply smiled and motioned for Lovett to sit down, which she did And After a brief pause she lent in closer.

"It's gonna blow your mind..." The baker just sighed and stared at her, blankly, adding 'Is this gonna take long...? 'Sonly, I got otha' things tah worry abaut...'

Taking a deep breath, Bellatrix sat back in her seat, smirking slightly and chuckling to herself she asked "Do you believe in _Magic_, ...?" Now it was Nellie's turn to laugh "D'yah think tha' I'm 's mad's yew are?" Bellatrix was cackling now and with a sigh she placed her hand on her chest, Nellie's eyes following the slender digits' the whole time. With a small smirk, she popped her thumb and forefinger into her cleavage and whipped out her wand, a look of pure concentration on her face. "I thought you'd say as much..." ' eyes searched Bellatrix's, as if she was trying to read the thoughts circulating her mind, What plan was being formulated behind those brilliant dark eyes...?

Then, with a flick of her wrist, a poof of smoke and a 'pop' the pie before sprouted grotesque, spindly legs (Much like those of a spider). Nellie let out a terrified squeal and jumped up onto her seat. The pie creature crawled along the length of the table and with what sounded like a hiss, 'Jumped' onto Bellatrix's shoulder where it 'Sat' and began to make, what assumed to be a purring noise. Nellie let out a whimper of both fear and exasperation. "'OW THA'- 'OW THA' BLOODY 'ELL DID YAH DO THA'!" The other woman just threw her head back and let out an insane cackle. She flicked her wrist yet again and as soon as it had been transformed, it was back to the disgusting pile of slop it was before.

Bellatrix sat coolly for a few moments, staring at the bakers' shocked yet beautiful expression. Then stood, suddenly, bringing the palms of her hands down on the table, all the time staring deep into Nellie's bewildered eyes. "DO YOU BELIEVE ME NOW, MUGGLE!" Mrs Lovett flinched slightly, Jumped down from the chair and took a few steps out into the shop, nodding as she went, a look of pure disbelief plastered on her features.

Bellatrix's eyes followed her movements, still leaning on the table she added in a serious tone "Then you're going to listen to what I have to say...?" Again, Nellie nodded, clearly still in shock. She brushed a stray lock of hair from her face and headed towards the back room, much to Bellatrix's confusion. With a look of slight annoyance she asked "And where do you think you're swanking off to?"

There were but three simple letters to explanation... "Gin."


	3. All's well that begins and ends with Gin

_[Authors Note: Kami! I haven't updated this for so long! Now, let me mention I might play with the structure of the house a wee bit xD But never matter, I'm off my face on Rum and raring to go so enjoy and I hope to see you again! ...Lou x] _

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**Chapter 3- 'All's well that begins and ends with Gin'**

When the life saving liquor had been retrieved and Bellatrix and Nellie had settled on an ancient sofa in the living room, the explanations of a lifetime began. Nellie was at one end, the bottle of Gin held loosely in one hand with one leg crossed over the other. Bellatrix, however, being much less polite had her feet (Shoes and all) slung carelessly on the empty space between them and reclined in a much more relaxed position.

Now, we all know that Mrs Lestrange isn't the most tactile of women, so what she asked Mrs Lovett shouldn't come as a surprise. "If I were to tell you that I came from a time far far in the future, that a dark wizard, my lord and master, had ordered me to come here and that I have to keep watch on a precious family heirloom would you believe me?" Needless to say, Nellie was slightly over-whelmed by such a long-winded question and took a large gulp of Gin to ease her aching mind.

Eventually the auburn-locked Londoner gathered her words and replied "Well I've 'eard it all nah 'aven't I?" Bellatrix rolled her eyes as she continued to explain, "He has sent me here to protect this." From the satchel she kept nestled under her cloak, she produced a shining gold cup with a badger emblem engraved upon the side. Nellie blinked a few times in thought, wondering how much a cup like that might cost, then continued "Wha'? ...He's sent yah heah tah destroy my life for a bloody cup!" Bellatrix was trying so hard not to lose her cool and frighten the woman, but she couldn't help a quick shout.

"It's no cup, Muggle! This is the goblet of Helga Hufflepuff and it's a Horcrux." Mrs Lovett stared blankly at her, and after a moment's pause said "It's a wha'?" Earning a growl of frustration from the death eater, who carried on as calmly as possible "Horcrux's are objects that contain part of someone's soul. This one contains my lord's soul..." Her facial expression softened and her hands curled unknowingly tighter around the goblet.

The very idea gave Nellie the shakes. Suppressing a shudder, she drank a little more Gin. "Righ'..." she said, now fully understanding what was being told to her. "An' why me? Why choose a bakeah? I'm a simple fing! I ain't nevah done nobody no 'arm!" Bellatrix sighed and added 'yet' under her breath. "Look." She said looking at Mrs Lovett. "Somewhere in his past you're related to him... related to my lord." The bakers eyes widened slightly but she remained silent.

Bellatrix continued once more "He believes nobody will ever look here for this. So he sent me to bring it here. To keep an eye on it... and on you."

A light came on in Nellie's head and she jumped up from her seat, backing away from Bellatrix slowly. "'Ow the 'ell am I meant to believe all this? You coul' be jus' anotha nuttah escaped from Bedlam!" Bellatrix fought to hide an amused smirk from her lips, thinking to herself that Mrs Lovett wasn't far off. Also standing up now, the witch quietly replied "I'll prove it... I'll tell you things about yourself that I couldn't possibly know." Nellie remained backed away from Bella, keeping a safe distance.

"Your name is Nellie Lovett. You are 32 years of age." The baker closed her eyes and shook her head, mumbling "You couldah asked tha neighbahs." Bellatrix took a step closer and continued, slowly reading her wand in case she refused to cooperate "You were married to Albert Lovett, now deceased. No children. Favourite colour, white... " Mrs Lovett shook her head again, eyes open this time, stubbornly declaring "Must've asked the neighbahs..." The witch carried on "Quite fond of flowers, especially daisies... Always had a soft spot for Benjamin Barker even preferring him over your own husband, who you never did find attractive, eh Mrs Lovett?"

Nellie was too shocked to do anything but croak "Get aut." But swiftly lost her temper as the woman before her refused to move. She was about to raise her voice when she found herself backed up against the wall by said woman who now wore a dangerous look of anger in her features. Through clenched teeth Bellatrix hissed "Final point, you have a birth mark on your left breast" Nellie's cheeks flushed at the sudden comment as she asked airily "'Ow tha 'ell did yah know tha'?" To which Bellatrix replied "Well, I can see it from here, if I'm being perfectly honest..."

The baker clenched her jaw and tried to push her way past the other woman but was pushed into the wall with twice as much force as the last time, feeling a flicker of Bellatrix's infamous temper for the first time. Bellatrix stared deep into Mrs Lovett's eyes, making sure her point was understood. "Listen, muggle woman... You have no say in this situation. Either you agree to this arrangement or I take you by force." Maybe it was the Gin but Nellie would've laughed at that last comment if it wasn't for the clear blood-lust in this woman's heart.

Bellatrix, not moving an inch decided to make one last point. "Today, Benjamin Barker will return, come back to this place. He is not the same man as he was. He is one of the reasons I'm here." And with that the bell for the shop rang. Gasping, Mrs Lovett chimed "A customer!" Less out of surprise or happiness, more because of the uncompromising position she and her guest were in. Two women, up against the wall, eyes locked and faces barely a foot apart. People would talk. And Nellie knew what happened to girlies who were talked about. Bedlam. Death. She shuddered and glided past Bellatrix, lightly fluffing her hair as she walked to greet her new customer.

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This is the end of Chapter 3! xD ...I hope you loved it, darling! And, again! Reviews are Sex, so sex me up! ;D Thank you! ...Auntie Lou x


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